| DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is | | | | and ends when a mother is including hatred and anger |
| it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family | | | | with sufficient force to influence a child towards PAS. |
| Court you will need legal advice, so please see a | | | | I've used the above framework to discern for myself |
| lawyer. | | | | what level of manipulation and/or actual alienation is |
| We've seen a number of cases over the years of | | | | taking place. Alienation always relies upon some form |
| Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) over the years. | | | | of HUGE lie told to frighten the child such as: your Dad |
| To be clear: It is not a recognized medical syndrome. | | | | will kidnap you and you will never ever see me again. |
| And, it is often overused and inappropriately by | | | | Then when Dad is tired of you, he will abandon you |
| divorced dads, it can torpedo their case fast simply | | | | God knows where. Then some stranger will find you |
| because it is a simplistic overstatement of the true | | | | and kill you. |
| facts. | | | | That would terrify any child. And that is where real |
| It's a phrase now that is embedded into the legal | | | | PAS begins from my perspective. |
| speak that goes on in Family Courtrooms everywhere | | | | I remember a conference we had for the National |
| when access/visitation denial by anything from a mildly | | | | Shared Parenting Association about 10 years ago |
| angry to an extremely malicious mother. And therein | | | | where there was a young woman, she was about 21 |
| lies the problem. By not characterizing the seriousness | | | | years old, came to speak with us after we did our |
| of the problems appropriately and accurately, a | | | | opening remarks. She was in absolute tears. Her |
| divorced dad loses credibility when he doesn't | | | | mother had told her that her father was a monster. |
| distinguish between: | | | | This lady was in her mid 20s and for most of her |
| (a) Manipulation and/or alienation; | | | | childhood into early teenage and early adulthood, she |
| (b) Moderate, severe, extreme, fanatical forms of | | | | was told her dad is a monster. I guess when she went |
| manipulation; | | | | out on her own she mustered up enough courage to |
| (c) Moderate, severe, extreme, fanatical forms of | | | | try and find him and she did. Here was the real |
| alienation. | | | | shocker. He is a wonderful man, which basically means |
| Accurately portraying through evidence which | | | | she was betrayed by her mother. We told her: "You |
| pigeonhole your child's symptoms seem to suggest | | | | know you are very brave and good for you that you |
| tends to demonstrate reasonableness on the fathers | | | | mustered up the courage to go and find your dad and |
| part, which naturally confers credibility on that evidence | | | | you are reconnecting with him." |
| because it does not come across as a distortion or | | | | The biggest challenge she is going to face now is |
| exaggeration of the facts. | | | | learning how to forgive her mother, if that is even still |
| When a malicious mother ramps up her campaign of | | | | possible. She might not be able to. This is the cost of |
| hatred to the point that the children are seized with an | | | | what happens in divorce. Sometimes children are |
| OVERWHELMING irrational fear of the father | | | | forced to make a choice between their parents. No |
| following separation and/or divorce PAS becomes a | | | | child should ever have to do that. |
| distinct possibility, but it is unlikely beforehand. | | | | It is not appropriate to wage war over your kids but it |
| So what is overwhelming fear? | | | | is appropriate to wage peace. The best advice that |
| It does not include any fear that is superficial. The | | | | we can give you is to choose happiness over |
| typical kind displayed by many children who either can | | | | perfection. You and your kids will have a better time |
| and/or can't explain their fear, but don't act in a manner | | | | for it and likely a better person as a result. |
| consistent with those fears. | | | | When you face a really difficult situation that seems as |
| Here's an example of consistency that borders on | | | | if your kids are manipulated or alienated remember this |
| fanatical: A child who is cowering in the corner, even | | | | formula when describing it to the Family Court Judge: |
| when fully protected in a supervised access center | | | | Is what you are seeing exhibited in your child: |
| with social workers, still refuses to try and have a | | | | (a) Manipulation and/or alienation; |
| relationship with their dad. | | | | (b) Moderate, severe, extreme, fanatical forms of |
| Usually children such as these have been so poisoned | | | | manipulation; |
| by a mother ingratiating the child into their world view | | | | (c) Moderate, severe, extreme, fanatical forms of |
| through parentification: The process where a child is | | | | alienation. |
| made a confident of a mother and where sharing of | | | | And match your evidence closely to what you |
| how dangerous daddy is takes place in a sophisticated | | | | describe. |
| and subtle way that is far beyond a child's abilities to | | | | Remember all manipulation and alienation is wrong, but |
| understand, appreciate and fend off. | | | | the key to resolving it in Family Court is vigorously |
| At the simplest level, manipulation that is not constantly | | | | exposing it accurately. That's the beginning of any |
| sustained lacks depth, because it lacks consistent | | | | Family Court Game Plan where these are the main |
| reinforcement at every opportunity possible. I would | | | | issues facing your children. |
| characterize this as the typical tactic of an | | | | Finally, be patient. This form of abuse is difficult to |
| overwrought mother not necessarily wanting revenge, | | | | detect, and to prove. It takes time. However having a |
| but who is venting inappropriately through involving their | | | | management system for the diagnosis of the problem |
| child in their tirades and rants. | | | | will often lead to its solution. |
| Malicious Mommy Manipulation Syndrome begins here | | | | |